Envisaged Soul

As seen written in her diary... The storm is coming... Most storms arrive when you least expect it (if you are careless, immature and naive) But sometimes ignorance is bliss because it is worse to know it’s coming when you feel like an arm less carpenter. I have only seen this one from afar, heard of people who have been in it or probably watched it pass me by. But now its time… My turn is here! I can see it approaching me, I hear the hour bell in my head for the countdown has begun. I feel the torture of the calm and silence imprisoning my mind and everything around me. And the thoughts and voices in my head are incalculable. My mind drawing charts and running codes of all the possible events, situations and outcomes, trying to prepare myself for this storm coming up with no true solution. My heart telling me nothing, just beating hard. “Useless!”, I cry out with frustration. Being as stubborn as I can be, unwilling to give up, I still look for ways to deal with or at least

It was three days after a full moon, and although it only appeared to be yet another full moon this very night, it was not, but was still lonesome and beautiful. It was silent and quiet. I was laying on my bed, I couldn't sleep, and I couldn't let the approaching restlessness have the better of me. I closed my eyes to pay attention to the noises around me which are usually insignificant and go unnoticed. I could hear the crickets chit-chattering, giving the night importance by their presence like as if they were an impatient crowd waiting to witness something that was going to happen, left in suspense, left with curiosity, left with the hopes of amazement . I blocked the cheer of the crowd out from my head and it happened. I could hear your breath while you were fast asleep. The pure innocence of a child, the presence of an angel. Each time you inhaled, it felt like something was taken away from me. And each time you exhaled, I could feel your breath on my skin, trickling

Experience of the unknown, Admiration of the unimaginable, Inspiration from the Unforgettable Fernweh by definition is the exact opposite of Heimweh, (Homesickness). Fernweh is a German word that beautifully explains a lot of feelings in one word, which literally means “far sickness” or “an ache for the distance”. Here are some symptoms of my wanderlust. To wake up very often in my bed, in my home feeling so out of place, uncomfortable, unwelcome, with this restlessness in my mind and vigour in my body. A rigorous want to break the routine. An uncontrollable urge to pack my rucksack, put on some shoes, and walk away into the horizon, no second thoughts, no words, and simply get lost into a place that has never had the presence of many a footsteps. To spend hours lost in thoughts of places that probably are just figments of my scattered imagination or pictures engraved in my mind of places I long to visit; patched up together like an overwhelming collage. To get teary constantly glu

A struggle of the ‘heart’ and ‘mind’ Very often I am told to listen to my heart. So I ask myself what does my heart say? I hear something but I cannot make sense of it and so I turn to my mind. I cannot see clearly ahead but I cannot forget what just passed me by. I was told I am good with words. Then why is it so hard to speak my mind or my heart? I’m just floating amidst the clouds that fly away, and the rain that pours down to the earth. Where do I belong? If ‘heart’ is the righteous choice then why does it only bring pain? If ‘mind’ is the choice of a cold heart then why do I experience stronger feelings? Is it love? Or is it a force inculcated by the darkness of loneliness, the need for belonging, an illusion of infatuation? What is love? I thought it was many things. Infatuation In my opinion ‘Love is often a misconception of infatuation. One would be smart enough to know that it is an immature contemplation but in spite of having significant understanding of its unreal

Yes off course I was inspired by the movie and even more when I studied a little about the dynamic deterministic and non-deterministic systems. And even more by recent life changing events. So what is the Butterfly Effect? The Chaos Theory This theory basically deals with the behavior of dynamical systems that are highly sensitive to initial conditions, an effect which is popularly referred to as the butterfly effect. Whatever we do now, will determine what will happen in the future. And even if we do manage to go back in time and change that one little thing, the outcome will not be the same as expected, but could possibly result in something else completely outrageous. We do whatever we feel like at that moment of time. Sometimes we do good things and sometimes we do bad things. But crying over spilled milk does not make a dead man alive. (Yes, I intended to combine the two sayings!) Sure we can grieve and sure we should be sorry and off course we must try to make things rig

Once in every four fortnights I find myself sitting by a stream, a river or a swimming pool after midnight. While all beautiful things are admired after dawn, I am constantly drawn to the magnificence of the after light. The soothing calmness of silence… The still and undisturbed flowing waters… The countless stars making me feel so insignificant… The moonshine, the only provider of light to nightfall… It is at this time of solitude that I can reflect on myself, my life, stare back into my soul and think about things that daily life would never bear in my mind. I see the reflection of my heart, all the names imprinted on it, all the memories embossed, all that makes me who I am. And I think, contemplate and get lost in abyss of my own thoughts. When I'm done being thankful for my past, I think about my dreams and wishes. My wants, my needs… What? Where? When? How? So many unanswered questions of the endless chain of thoughts… I know they will be answered in time. I just k

I close my eyes tonight before I see the light of day. I can't help but to think about all of the good things. The things that make me happy, the times I lived like there was no tomorrow. And it forces a smile upon on my face. I am thankful and content, hoping to continue the same path. But I know it’s time... for tomorrow I will see the world very differently. What seemed like a couple of minutes was actually hours... Hours had gone by since I had that trailing smile on my face. I open my eyes slowly, it's a new day. But it’s just not any new day. It's not a day I want to live like there is no tomorrow, but in fact a day I have to fight for to see more days ahead. There is so much more to see, so much more to experience. I nod to myself as I know what is stored for me in the next few days or months to come. It's yet another battle day... I stand before the battlefield. I put on my armor. Before I move I stop to have a last thought before the battle begins.