Envisaged Soul

A struggle of the ‘heart’ and ‘mind’ Very often I am told to listen to my heart. So I ask myself what does my heart say? I hear something but I cannot make sense of it and so I turn to my mind. I cannot see clearly ahead but I cannot forget what just passed me by. I was told I am good with words. Then why is it so hard to speak my mind or my heart? I’m just floating amidst the clouds that fly away, and the rain that pours down to the earth. Where do I belong? If ‘heart’ is the righteous choice then why does it only bring pain? If ‘mind’ is the choice of a cold heart then why do I experience stronger feelings? Is it love? Or is it a force inculcated by the darkness of loneliness, the need for belonging, an illusion of infatuation? What is love? I thought it was many things. Infatuation In my opinion ‘Love is often a misconception of infatuation. One would be smart enough to know that it is an immature contemplation but in spite of having significant understanding of its unreal

Yes off course I was inspired by the movie and even more when I studied a little about the dynamic deterministic and non-deterministic systems. And even more by recent life changing events. So what is the Butterfly Effect? The Chaos Theory This theory basically deals with the behavior of dynamical systems that are highly sensitive to initial conditions, an effect which is popularly referred to as the butterfly effect. Whatever we do now, will determine what will happen in the future. And even if we do manage to go back in time and change that one little thing, the outcome will not be the same as expected, but could possibly result in something else completely outrageous. We do whatever we feel like at that moment of time. Sometimes we do good things and sometimes we do bad things. But crying over spilled milk does not make a dead man alive. (Yes, I intended to combine the two sayings!) Sure we can grieve and sure we should be sorry and off course we must try to make things rig

Once in every four fortnights I find myself sitting by a stream, a river or a swimming pool after midnight. While all beautiful things are admired after dawn, I am constantly drawn to the magnificence of the after light. The soothing calmness of silence… The still and undisturbed flowing waters… The countless stars making me feel so insignificant… The moonshine, the only provider of light to nightfall… It is at this time of solitude that I can reflect on myself, my life, stare back into my soul and think about things that daily life would never bear in my mind. I see the reflection of my heart, all the names imprinted on it, all the memories embossed, all that makes me who I am. And I think, contemplate and get lost in abyss of my own thoughts. When I'm done being thankful for my past, I think about my dreams and wishes. My wants, my needs… What? Where? When? How? So many unanswered questions of the endless chain of thoughts… I know they will be answered in time. I just k

I close my eyes tonight before I see the light of day. I can't help but to think about all of the good things. The things that make me happy, the times I lived like there was no tomorrow. And it forces a smile upon on my face. I am thankful and content, hoping to continue the same path. But I know it’s time... for tomorrow I will see the world very differently. What seemed like a couple of minutes was actually hours... Hours had gone by since I had that trailing smile on my face. I open my eyes slowly, it's a new day. But it’s just not any new day. It's not a day I want to live like there is no tomorrow, but in fact a day I have to fight for to see more days ahead. There is so much more to see, so much more to experience. I nod to myself as I know what is stored for me in the next few days or months to come. It's yet another battle day... I stand before the battlefield. I put on my armor. Before I move I stop to have a last thought before the battle begins.

Moving on... usually followed by Goodbye, sometimes is the hardest thing to do. I was inspired to write this after my friend Grisha (a.k.a Blusha) wrote about her thoughts on saying Goodbye . Something one comes across at least once in their lives. Some people are lucky to have gone through it just once. The rest of us? Well what does not kill us only makes us stronger. Having said that here are my views on moving on. Every moment of our life is an experience that, like a potter shapes us into the person we are. A vase is very rarely straight up and sharp edged. It has its curves, the ups and downs, the bumpy ride just like our lives. Ultimately the result is still beautiful art. Moving on does not mean " Forgive and Forget ". In fact I find it very difficult to forget. Either we need to move on from a good memory or a bad one. If its a good one, the pain comes from letting go and if its a bad one then the pain lies in the hatred of oneself or the person causing it. In