Turning 30
The big 3 O as they call it…
While most people are anxious about this supposedly life changing number, there are others who embrace the change and even few who are indifferent to it. I consider myself one of those who feel indifferent to it.
In the last couple of years as I was nearing this number and watching others around me nearing this age, I was trying to understand why people made such a big deal about it. Was it because of social-cultural expectations? Was it biological changes? Was it because of human nature to psychologically group phases of your life in decades? Perhaps a mixture of everything. And so I picked each of these questions and tried to answer them for myself to understand better why it’s not so special to me.
Social Expectations:
While social expectations play an important part in everyone’s life, it only brushes me on the surface. Turning 30 and being unmarried is quite aggressively looked down upon by societies in India if not other places. The expectation for a woman of 30 is to find a man, get married, settle on a job, make babies and only then have you an achievement.
Perhaps one of the explanations for the root of this social expectation is that a woman’s body undergoes biological changes and hence it becomes more challenging to conceive. While that is somewhat true, there are several other factors that play an important role to that. Healthy lifestyle (fitness and food) plays an important role in determining that. 30 isn’t a cut off line. With modern technology in medicine you can determine what that cutoff is. Besides, isn’t adoption an option to satisfy your maternal instincts? Why not put a smile on a child without a home? What’s wrong in that? Given the population not having kids is an option too if that's what you want.
Why succumb to something that might probably send you down a path of unhappiness, anxiety and in search of coping mechanisms just to appeal to social expectations? Now, I am not against commitment, settlement or having children. Having said that I just think that every person thinks differently, grows differently based off their experiences and the exposure they have had. Everyone is ready for different things at different points of time in their life, and trying to push someone into something they aren't ready for is only paving a way for a bad trip. It’s like creating a problem that doesn’t exist and then forcing a solution down your throat that doesn’t work.
Benchmarks (Milestones):
As far as benchmarks and milestones are concerned, nothing wrong about setting 10 year goals as long as they are defined by you and not somebody else. For me, short terms goals seem to be more suitable for the following reasons.
One, given nobody can see the future and can control only so many external factors, one can only hope for the best, anticipate and prepare for the worst. And two, because my interests, wants and needs are constantly changing over my experiences every few years. Some basic needs and search for self actualisation as explained by Maslow’s Theory remains consistent with me, so keeping those basic needs in mind, I keep trying to improve myself as often as I can and adapt as often as needed.
Embracing change as and when the change occurs is more important to me than 10 year goals.
If I had to review the changes that happened in my life in the last 10 years I would say that it had nothing to do with a particular age or number but in fact how my experiences influenced those changes over the period of time. And this would be very different for every other person. Here goes a summary.
2009-2011 - Age: 20 -22:
Studying for my masters was academically a huge change in my life in the sense of how much I enjoyed learning out of curiosity over studying for grades and numbers. How much I enjoyed applying and getting my hands dirty and achieving visible results over theoretical knowledge, late nights, weekends, any random time of the day.
2012 - Age: 23:
Leaving my whole, perfect life behind and moving to a different, bigger state and city for a new job, one that I loved, learnt a lot from, experiencing culture shock in this new world, being independent, living with strangers, adjusting, dealing with the challenges of a long distance relationship, learning to live on a mere stipend sufficiently, making new friends, finding a family in them, saying goodbye to them.
Started travelling for leisure within the country with friends, meeting new people, getting new perspectives.
2013 - Age: 24:
Having the worst new year ever, away from family and friends. Moving to a new apartment with a close friend, in a new town. Starting a new job that challenged my patience, threatened my calm. Learning to deal with new people with a very different mindset, language, culture in a work environment that was so different from my previous well processed, well managed, smooth sailing workplace with like minded people.
From getting out of a relationship that lasted for slightly more than half a decade for all the right reasons, losing faith in love and relationships, to building a wall, to going numb, learning to enjoy different kinds of relationships to meeting lots of new people and finding someone special.
Travelling to Sri Lanka with friends, leaving the country for the first time, getting onto an airplane for the first time, couch surfing for the first time.
Travelling within the country with that someone special for the first time, missing my flight for the first time and last time (so far).
Travelling to Oman, left the country by myself for the first time. Spending Christmas with a family away from home. Spending my birthday in an airplane above the Arabian Sea with strangers.
2014 - Age: 25:
Starting the new year in the arms of that someone special and spending it in the most simplest way.
From dealing with the discomforts of letting my wall down, to opening my heart again, to finding and understanding a different meaning of love, to seeing life through knew eyes, to understanding what it really means to be a woman, what it means to make the most of life.
Heading to the Great Himalayan mountains in Ladakh with a bunch friends, experiencing the purest form of nature, seeing and feeling snow for the first time, riding a bike on the worlds highest motorway, finding the most peaceful face in a monastery, rafting in grade 4 rapids, taking an ice cold dip in the water.
Travelling to Cambodia with that someone special, a place I'd never thought about or knew anything about before, learning that people living in the most difficult circumstances can still find joy in the simple things in life, experiencing yet again the wonders that human kind can create and yet also understanding the destruction that human kind is capable of.
2015 - Age: 26:
From undergoing a surgery and recovering, to putting my foot down, standing up for myself and making a change.
Backpacking with a friend in Rajasthan, sleeping in the open desert for the first time.
To saying goodbye and letting go of that someone special.
2016 - Age: 27:
Backpacking solo in Europe across 4 countries, in 18 days, understanding myself better as a person, putting myself out of my comfort zones, seeking new opportunities and taking on bigger challenges in my career.
Backpacking in Indonesia with friends, scuba diving for the first time, seeing a world completely alien in the ocean.
Following a healthier lifestyle. Understanding and caring about world problems. Being less materialistic. Learning to find joy in simple things in life. Stopped celebrating birthday's instead finding something to do for myself every year. Either do something new, experience something new, or do for someone else something new. Took my first surf lesson.
2017 - Age: 28:
Breaking my principles, re-questioning myself, challenging my choices, my understanding, my purpose. Seeing my aggressive side that I had never seen before, hitting a low. Feeling older, socialising a lot less, missing some travel goals.
A quarter life crisis?
Travelling to North East 3 of us, seeing 3 seasons in 3 different states with 3 different cultures.
2018 - Age 29:
Overcoming my quarter life crisis, finding solutions, being more level headed, learning to deal with problems a lot better, better financial planning, making up for previously missed goals. Finding a balance in all aspects of my life. Learning to let go.
Travelling to Dubai, re-bonding over a reunion, knowing that some friends will always be there for you no matter how much you loose tough, understanding that you change with time, understanding that some things go with you a long way, knowing how big cities aren't meant for everyone, understanding that life is a lot more than money.
Travelling to the US, work and pleasure, working with new people, learning from them, meeting old friends after decades, getting to know people I already knew better, putting an image to stories. Staying away from home the longest, finding comfort in a place so far away from home, taking each unplanned day at a time, finding new travel buddies, taking risks, finding comfort in a stranger, having good and bad experiences, pushing myself further out of my comfort zone, sitting inside one of the largest tree species in the world with two travel buddies.
Travelling in New Zealand, catching up with old friends, driving around solo for a week, feeling the wind in my face, staring at the ocean, enjoying beers with a new stranger everyday, walking by myself for hours, caving, enjoying natural spas. Spending Christmas with long seen family, being spoilt by them and their wonderful dogs, caving, camping, hunting, swimming, bush walking. Kayaking on my birthday. Enjoying smoked salmon, a good bottle of wine and fresh bread to raise a toast to the end the year.
2019 - Age 30:
Starting the year by lying over pebbles by a lake staring at the milky way in the sky.
Sky dived for the first time from 13000ft.
Well here I am… Having charming experiences and ready to take on anything that comes my way.
I’m certain life will always find a way to surprise me.
To conclude, turning 30 did not have a huge impact on me emotionally, psychologically or physically. For me 30 is just a number for all documentation purpose.
You are only as happy as you chose to be, only as young as you feel and only as wise as your experiences.
Lovely summary
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